Thinking About It
by ali3nbabe
Summary: Charity makes a decision regarding her relationship with Vanessa.


She creeped up the stairs, doing her best to not make a sound, feet automatically stepping over the creaky step with a familiarity that she was almost afraid of. She moved quickly and surely, path guided only by the soft glow of light shining from the bathroom. It was late, she smelled of stale beer and lines around her eyes showed her exhaustion. She knew that at this late hour she should have just staggered up the Woolpack stairs and into her own bed but the prospect of sleeping alone for the first time in over a week had her skulking across the village at 2 A.M. keeping to the shadows so as not to be noticed by anyone daft enough to be awake at this hour when they didn't have to be. Not allowing herself to think of the implications of her actions and praying that Leyla was either out or fast asleep, she dashed into the bathroom to remove her make up.

When she was done she spent a minute in front of the mirror psyching herself up. It wasn't unusual for one of them to sneak into the other's room at all hours of the night. They had done it plenty of times before, and each had a key to the other's home specifically for that reason. But this was the first time that either of them had used their key for anything other than sex. She was breaking an unspoken rule between them, one that she herself was more responsible for enforcing than Vanessa was, and Charity knew that in doing so she was revealing more of her feelings than she would like to, but she was so damn tired of pretending to not feel the way she did. She had spent her whole life lying and scheming and running from anything remotely real and she was exhausted. Maybe it was time for her to just allow life to happen and see where it took her. Smiling ruefully, she thought about how happy that would make Debbie. Her own stomach, however, coiled at the thought, her natural instinct to protect herself warring with her need for Vanessa, and she quickly exited the bathroom before she could change her mind.

Briefly stopping outside Johnny's room, she poked her head in on the toddler. Her maternal instinct may have been practically non-existent, but even she couldn't resist checking on her children if she was awake during the night. If he knew he would be embarrassed, but she still checked on Noah from time to time. Johnny wasn't hers, but he was a sweet kid and she couldn't help herself, she had grown to like him. She surprised even herself sometimes. Seeing that the young boy was fast asleep she turned towards his mother's bedroom.

Pushing to door to Vanessa's room open slowly, her eyes fell on the woman in question. She lay on her side in one of Charity's old t-shirts that she had picked up over the last few months of secret meetings in the dead of night. Her face was illuminated by a strip of moonlight that had broken through the curtains and Charity took a moment to admire her. Vanessa was attractive, there was no denying that. If pushed, Charity would even have admitted that she was beautiful. But in moments like this, when she was asleep and unguarded, and Charity didn't have to worry about revealing more than she was willing to, there was no denying the truth, not even to herself. Vanessa was breath-taking. Just seeing her calmed Charity's ever-busy mind. The chatter ceased, and the landlady felt peaceful. She supposed that was why she had been drawn back to Vanessa after their first night together. The other woman's presence allowed her a respite from all she had weighing on her conscience and allowed her to just _be._ She briefly wondered what had drawn Vanessa back to her but, shaking her head, she decided that that was another issue for another day.

Changing into a t-shirt Vanessa had left on the side, Charity slipped into bed beside the other woman. The movement made Vanessa shift in her sleep, turning over so she was facing the window, her back to Charity. Indulging herself in the dark of night, Charity scooted up behind Vanessa and slipped her arm around her and squeezed lightly. The vet stirred at the feeling.

"Charity?" she croaked out, voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah, it's me, babe," Charity whispered into the back of her hair, "go back to sleep."

"Mmm-kay," Vanessa mumbled, never having really woken up.

Charity breathed out a sigh of relief. Vanessa would have questions about her unannounced night time appearance and she wasn't sure she was ready to answer them just yet. At least this way she still had until the morning to not acknowledge what she already knew. She was falling for Vanessa Woodfield and there was nothing she could do to stop herself. If she was being honest with herself, which she supposed she was now for god's sake, she didn't want to stop herself. She was terrified, yes, but there was always something in Vanessa's eyes, the way she looked at her, that made Charity think that if she did let herself fall, not that she had much say in the matter despite her best efforts, that Vanessa would be there to catch her.

Smiling at the thought she allowed herself to relax. She had had a long day and she didn't need any more late-night revelations to keep her up any later than it already was. As it was she would only get a couple of hours sleep before Johnny came barrelling through the bedroom door to wake his mother. He would be excited to see her, he always was. He was filled with the same relentless cheer that his mother often displayed. She smiled once more before snuggling in closer to Vanessa. The idea of things getting more serious with Vanessa wasn't so bad, she thought.

When morning did come, bringing with it a predictably excited Johnny and an equally curious Vanessa, Charity was oddly at peace with her decision. She knew to others it would seem insignificant, but in actual fact the previous night Charity Dingle had decided to trust someone with her heart, something she had stopped doing a long time ago. She knew that if Vanessa broke her heart that she wouldn't be able to piece it back together again, but sitting up in bed with the vet leaning against her and Johnny babbling away from his position sprawled out on the bottom of the bed, she found it hard to care.


End file.
